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A quirky tale of infidelity, passion, and its absence.

I did not want my adventure to end before it began. I stripped naked, completely naked, not even a watch. I did not even take the room key. I had another plan for that. Since it was around midnight on a weekday, hotel activity was negligible.

I clicked the door shut behind me and I was on my own completely nude. It was exciting already. I walked down the hall to the elevator, and took it to the garage. I took the stairs to the garage level where my car was parked. I drove my car to the church; I drove around the block to check for activity and parked around the corner. It was after midnight, so the service was already started. I exited my car, closed the door and headed for the church.

I was still kind of nervous, but excited. The sidewalk was very well lit. I got to the stairs leading into the entrance; I climbed about 20 steps and entered the foyer. I walked across the foyer and entered the chapel. There were about 60 or 70 people there. They occupied the front half of the chapel, scattered among the pews. I went up about three rows from the back and slid in. I listened for a while enjoyed the fact I was actually nude in church. Wow. After about 20 minutes, a man walked in and sat right across from me. He looked at me and didn't even seem surprised to see a naked man in that venue. I noticed he had the saddest expression on his face I had ever seen. I assumed he was just there for the comfort a church sometimes brings people. I actually felt sorry for him. Under other circumstances I might have asked if he was alright, but I did not think that was such a good idea nude.

When I figured things were winding down, I did a careless thing. I decided that before leaving I would walk toward the front of the chapel and then make my retreat; that way someone else might see me. I slid out of my pew and started walking down the aisle. I figured they wouldn't make a fuss in church, at least not a big one. I passed five or six occupied rows of pews. I did hear a few gasps.

Suddenly, the priest, from the pulpit said, "sir you are acting inappropriately in the Lord's house, you are disrupting this service, and I would like you to leave."

All at once, everyone's eyes were fixed on me.

I said, "sorry."

I turned unhurriedly and walked slowly out of the church.

I let out a deep breath; I was excited.

I walked down the steps, there were people across the street. I do not know if they saw me, but they did not acknowledge me. I hoped they saw. I walked to my car and drove back to the hotel, and parked in the garage. I walked up the front stairs to the lobby. I walked in the lobby and across to the reservation counter. A guy looked up, and sheepishly asked what he could do for me. I said I locked myself out of my room. He asked me a few question to verify I was who I said I was. I apologized profusely, but I was not really sorry. He gave me the key to 756, and I headed to the elevators. I pushed the button for floor seven. On the way up, the elevator stopped on the 4th floor. The door opened and there before me was a middle aged woman. She paused briefly, surprised at what she saw; but then, to my surprise, stepped in and pushed the nine button. She said hello, and I responded. I got off at my floor, walked to my room and collapsed on the bed.

My next adventure was in Kansas. I've told this story before and folks told me it wasn't a big deal because nudity is allowed in Kansas. Wrong, for the most part nudity laws in Kansas are basically the same as laws everywhere else. You can be nude as long as it doesn't bother anyone else. Well, it always does, and this was a McDonalds.

I was on a trip to a podunk town called Russell.

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