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An offer of paradise.

Now, my precious one, I have to get some sleep. I hardly got any sleep Sunday night FOR SOME REASON!!!!! And we were so busy Monday night and Tuesday all day, I only got about three hours sleep. Now it is Tuesday night and I am exhausted.

Your tired friend,



P.S. The two blondes searched and searched for the perfect Christmas tree. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the perfect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"

After getting up Wednesday, I spent most of the day working outside. Jessie had sent me a short email Wednesday afternoon, just before her meeting with Dr. Andrews. She said she would write more after the meeting, but by the time I went to bed Wednesday night, I had not received anything else from her.

When I got up on Thursday, I had something of a different type of letter from Jessie.

Dear you lying good-for-nothing, low-life, scumbag (but I still love you, Sam, although you have a LOT of explaining to do),

I was so mad at you last night I couldn't write.

I actually got up an hour early just to write this.

HOW? How could you lie to me like you have?

Poor, "Oh, I've never been to college."

Yesterday I had another great session with Dr. Andrews. After the session ended, she asked me if we were still writing each other daily -- and if you were still including UGA jokes? She really seems to be interested in how many UGA jokes you send me. Why?

I told her "yes," to both counts, then mentioned something that has really amazed me since we started writing.

I told her that I sometimes actually had to look up some of the words you used, and told her how incredibly beautiful some of your letters were.

"I can't believe someone who has never been to college can write like that," I think I said.

Dr. Andrews started laughing and said, "Never been to college? He has more college credits than anyone I know who actually hasn't graduated. I think he only needs one required course to obtain his degree. He probably has enough credits for two degrees."

Once she realized I truly didn't know, that you had told me you hadn't been to college, she clammed up, saying she had already said too much.

"You'll have to ask Sam about that," was all she would say.

OKAY, MARINE ASSHOLE (is that redundant?), what gives?

Have you been lying to me since the first day we met?

And it had BETTER be good.

Your honest as the day is long friend (apparently can't say the same about you),


Dear My Sweet, Precious, Beautiful, Understanding and Forgiving Jessie,

Okay -- First of all I did not lie to you: Technically.

And even more than that, I don't think you could say I lied in any way, shape or form. Perhaps I omitted one thing, but that is not the same as lying.

You have to look at it from my point of view.

One day I decided to pull the weeds out of my flowerbeds. After working very hard, I heard someone yell, "Look Out!" Thinking someone might be in trouble and need my medical assistance, I jumped to my feet. Having been kneeling for so long, when I stood up so quickly, I got dizzy. At approximately the same time, I was struck in the head by (at that point) an unknown object. The object itself had barely the force of a feather hitting me, but the combination of the very light impact, together with my slight dizziness caused me to lose my balance momentarily.

The next thing I know some beautiful, half-naked goddess (perhaps fallen from Mount Olympus?) was thrusting her -- assets -- in my face. Very delightful assets I might add!

I was discombobulated

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