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This wasn't the warm, fuzzy, outgoing Liv I had fallen for 5 years ago. This was a frostier, distant version. "Why didn't you tell me about this therapy thing?"

"We're not together anymore, Liv. Remember? I'm not obligated to tell my ex-girlfriend anything." I had somehow managed to keep my voice completely even and neutral in tone.

"When were you planning on telling me? Huh?" She was trying to keep her voice even but I could hear it quavering, meaning she was close to tears. Oh boy.

"I just told you. I wasn't," I said simply. I grabbed a chair and sat down.

She had started crying. "What the fuck happened to you? The old Matt, the one I fell in love with?"

I looked her dead in the eye and sighed, with absolutely no emotion on my face, and said quietly, "Shit happened to me, Liv. A lot of shit."

That was too much for her. "No. No. You didn't. Tell me you didn't. TELL ME YOU FUCKING DIDN'T!" she screamed the last part, sobbing hysterically. She stood there with her hands over her mouth and nose so only her eyes were visible, staring at me. She stood there for another minute like that, just crying quietly now. I didn't say anything, at a loss for words. I hated seeing her like this. She finally said between sobs, "How could you go behind my back about something like this? I deserve to know about these things! Do you understand what you've done to me? Why-?"

She had pushed me too far. I jumped up and literally kicked the chair over (remember what I said about internalizing absolutely every emotion until I just lose it? This is it), slammed my fists on the table, and yelled, "I DIDN'T FUCKING DO THIS FOR YOU! I DID IT FOR ME! OK? I KNEW YOU WOULD REACT LIKE THIS, AND TRY AND STOP ME. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND! YOU OF ALL GODDAMN PEOPLE, THE FUCKING LOVE OF MY LIFE! JESUS, GET A GRIP!"

I stormed away and downstairs to my room in the basement, slamming the door. I could hear Liv sobbing and screaming hysterically upstairs, a horrible, ugly cry if ever I had heard it, Jesus. I already felt like an ass for yelling at her. I went over to the mirror on my dresser and stared long and hard into it. My cold gray eyes stared back. I was starting to think people were right about those; they really had changed to a colder and less welcoming color. What is wrong with me? Why do I keep fucking doing this to people? I thought. Tears had started running down my face too now. I stood there for a minute trying to fight it but eventually caved in and started sobbing. I turned away from the mirror and walked over to my bed, lying down on it and crying openly. I sat there for god knows how long, trying to calm down. I grabbed my guitar and tried playing a few songs but it was useless.

I eventually decided to grow some fucking balls and go apologize to Liv. I walked upstairs slowly, trying to think of what to say while simultaneously prepping myself for another wave of fighting. I opened the basement door and stepped out into the hall. "Liv?" I said. No answer, but I could still hear her crying quietly. I walked down the hall into my living room and saw her sitting on the couch, still with Niagara Falls running down her face. She looked up at me and said, "What?"

A wave of regret and pity rolled over me seeing her like that. I just stood there awkwardly, my hands in my pockets, and started, "Liv...I...I'm sorry I snapped at you like that. I, I really don't know what to say, or what's wrong with me."

She stared at me coldly. "You could start by telling me why you never bothered fucking telling me you were seeing a therapist."

"I didn't want you to worry. I knew you would freak out. I'm sorry. From the bottom of my heart. If I have one at all anymore."

She got up and walked over to me, throwing her arms around me and pulling me into a bone-crushing hug. We stood there like that for what felt like an eternity, swaying left and right gently. I was holding her so tightly I could feel her ribs cracking. I just whispered simply, "I'm sorry."

She looked up at me.

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