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A night of passionate anal lust in 1985.
"Where are those pills?" I asked.
"Right on the table next to my bed," he replied.
"When should I have them?"
"Just take one just now." He hollered from under the shower.
I climbed into his bed under the covers and waited for him. I wondered whether he had taken a leave as well or not and from the response that my pussy gave I hoped that he had.
I had drifted a little by the time he came back. I got a whiff of his cologne when he climbed into bed next to me. He had shaved. His stubble always gave me rashes, so he had taken precautions. He dropped the towel and came under the covers stark naked, just the way I liked him. Our lips found each other and we kissed a passionate kiss. I began to tremble and wheeze thinking of the ultimate.
"Shhhhh," he whispered into my ear. "Easy, I won't do anything that you don't want me to."
"I know," my voice broke. "I know ...but it's been so long and we've never done this before. It's making me anxious.
"Then we don't have to do it," he said with certainty.
"Noooooo... I cut in...we do."
"We could do it tomorrow baby."
"No, today. We're going to do it today."
"Okay, okay he said. Calm down, just lie for a while. We'll take one step at a time okay," he let me rest in the crook of his arm and shoulder raking his fingers through my amber hair. My honey eyes filled with angry tears and began to run easily down my pale white cheeks. I had dreamed of this so many god dammed times.
"I'm so angry with myself," I gave way to my frustration.
"There's no reason for you to be. I'm here and you're here. I will penetrate you." A breath caught in my throat again and he noticed. We were quiet for a while.
"Does it pain," I asked.
"Yes, a little in the beginning but then it becomes pleasurable."
"Have you done it before?"
"Yes. But virgins are very hard to come by," he laughed then froze. There was a pause. "We're not doing the right thing, Riya. I'm not doing the right thing. I should not be the one taking your virginity. It will spoil your chances of having a good marriage. I know guys. I know they put a lot of store by this kind of a thing. I can't take your virginity."
I sat astride him on his willy and looked into his eyes. "You are and you will and today," I said without a doubt in my mind. "I'm not going to marry, I love you, how can I marry someone else? Just a while ago you said you couldn't see me with anyone else, a stranger's phallus inside my virgin pussy." I argued my point.
He raked his hair frustrated and in confusion. He dragged a cigarette box from his bed side table and I helped him with a lighter.
"You're not doing anything that I don't want bhaiya (brother)," he dragged on a cigarette in deep thought and moved his head from side to side.
"No, this is wrong...wrong," he placed a hand on his head and pressed hard. "What am I thinking?"
"Okay tell me who do you think should take my virginity. Someone who doesn't even give two hoots about me."
"Your husband will give two hoots about you," he said glaring at me, "or he will learn to."
"No one will want me the way you do. No one. Besides it's my virginity, don't I get to choose who takes it and who doesn't? Yes, I do and I want you to take it. I want the first time to be the best time and I can only trust you enough to know that with you will be the best time."
"Oh...God," he groaned in agony.
"Okay tell me did you give two hoots about those girls that you were talking about a while ago?" "Which girls?"
"That's exactly what I meant. They were strangers for you and so they did not matter. I will not matter to anyone else as I will to you. Please I placed my head against his chest. "You love me the way no one else will, please, or don't you want me either anymore," my lips drooped at the edges in sorrow.
He lifted my face at that, "Do you know why those girls didn't register, because I pictured you in their place the whole time. I love you. I will always want you and this taboo thing makes me desire you even more."
He made me lie on my back then and my nig